Things I will not do
by Cinderella912
Summary: Just a list of things not to do at Hogwarts WARNING: may cause laughter. I am Labeling this as COMPLETE because I don't think there will be more but there MIGHT be so if there is then it will be changed.


1

**Things I will not do…**

**By: Cinderella912**

_A/N This is just the first 50 there will be more soon!_

_Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue._

I will not hum my own personal spy music while walking down corridors

I will not send Remus Lupin a flea collar; it is tacky and distasteful.

The Weasley twins are not bookends. I will not call them so.

The same rule applies for the Patil twins.

I will not ask Hagrid to impersonate Steve Irwin in care of magical creatures.

Enchanting the house elves to fly and painting myself green will not be tolerated. I should also stop jumping on the table at breakfast with said elves and green face and exclaiming 'I am the Wicked witch of the west with my army of flying monkeys! Fly Chistery fly!'

Bringing fortune cookies to Divination class does not count as extra credit.

I will not dare first years to sing 'Dumby and Minny Sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G' at dinner and then follow them round making chicken noises when they refuse.

I will not sing 'Defying Gravity' during Quidditch practise.

The same rule applies for humming 'No One Mourns the Wicked' when Snape walks past.

I am not allowed to make light-saber sounds with my wand.

If by chance I should see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.

I am not allowed to take bets on Harry Potter's life expectancy.

I will not leave messages on the wall in ketchup.

When the professor calls roll, after each name scream "THAT'S MEEEEE! Oh, no, sorry." Is wrong.

I am not allowed to use the 'Beaters do it with Wood.' Joke infront of the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

Infact I am not allowed to make any jokes about Oliver Wood's name, at all.

First years are not cloak racks.

As the professors demonstrate the spells, I am not allowed to look mesmerised and say, "Wow. Magic!"

I am not allowed to start a sentence with the words 'yo momma' ever.

I will not reply with "follow the spiders" whenever someone asks for advice.

I will not scream and pretend to drop dead whenever I see green light.

I will not say "Alohomora!" _every_ time I open a door. Especially when it's not locked.

I am not allowed to ask Oliver Wood to say, "May I polish your broomstick?"

I am not allowed to tell Voldemort that Google will defeat him.

I am not allowed to jump from the Astronomy Tower to see if I can fly.

Dumbledore is not Santa in disguise.

McGonagall is not my bitch. In fact I do not have a bitch and should calling people my bitches.

I will not make jokes about Remus Lupin's time of the month.

I am not allowed to randomly lick people just because I can.

I am not allowed to turn the 5th floor corridor into a lake and invite the giant squid to live there.

I may not refer to first years as squid food.

I may not chase Moaning Myrtle around telling her she looks a bit peaky.

I may not chase Seamus Finnegan around school in search of his 'Pot o' Gold'.

Nor am I allowed to tell people he's a leprechaun on steroids.

I am not allowed to yodel during important parts of Dumbledore's speech.

"Like a cow in the springtime" is not an acceptable phrase to use in my essay. I may not do so.

Eating a bar of chocolate that weighs more than I do is a bad idea. I may not do so.

The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

I will not claim my X-files tapes are 'Auror training videos'.

My name is not 'Dark Lord Happy Pants'. I cannot sign my papers as such just for kicks.

I will not make 'OMGWTF' a spell.

I will not follow my potions instructions in reverse just to see what happens.

I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rock series during the Arithmancy exams.

Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play to the resident ghosts and poltergeists. I should stop doing it.

I will not impersonate a Swedish Chef in Potions class.

When sent to the Headmasters office I will not sing 'We're Off to See the Wizard' while skipping down the corridors.

I will not send Snape pink Boxer shorts with 'studmuffin' written on the back and sign them from Draco Malfoy for Christmas.

I will not put a notice in the Ravenclaw common room saying that the library is closed indefinitely.

I will not tell Hermione Granger that McGonagall says she has failed all her exams just to see her reaction. She will not find it funny.

_A/N review? Should I do more?_


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